Herschel Walker’s Christian Abortions
Distortion and misrepresentation by the American radical left knows no bounds and exists purely to spite the Lord!
by Rich Herschlag
In a cynical attempt to grab power, liberals are ganging up on Senate candidate Herschel Walker for paying for an abortion . . . wait, make that two abortions . . . hang on, there may be a third . . . while fathering three . . . make that four children out of wedlock. What liberals fail to understand, as always when a pro-life celebrity political candidate bangs everything not nailed down and terminates a bunch of pregnancies because he doesn’t feel like raising the little bastards, is that every one of those was a Christian abortion.
The stirrups were Christian. The misoprostol was Christian. The dilators were Christian. The speculum was Christian. The suction tubes were Christian. The ambient music in the OR was “O Come, All Ye Faithful” sung by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The patients rested their heads on a pillow made by Mike Lindell. The money sent by Herschel Walker—had it been cash—would have stated clearly on each and every bill, “In God We Trust.” The get well card he sent was from Hallmark, maker of over one thousand meet cute movies in which the male and female lead accidentally share a cab on the way home for Christmas, get to talking, both realize their unbounded love for Jesus Christ, get married by the Christian cab driver, and have dozens of Christian babies without ever swapping a thimbleful of saliva.
But to the untrained, ignorant eyes of the liberals, an abortion is just an abortion, a rape is just a rape, a fake electoral slate is just a fake electoral slate, and a violent attempt to overthrow the federal government is just a violent attempt to overthrow the federal government.
Take the attempt by the Wolverine Watchmen to kidnap Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer. It was widely reported that these men planned to execute Governor Whitmer. However, it was conveniently omitted that these same brave Christian men had plans to baptize Governor Whitmer first, guaranteeing her a seat in Heaven at the foot of the Lord which she wouldn’t have enjoyed otherwise and something something the blood of Christ or whatever.
Distortion and misrepresentation by the American radical left knows no bounds and exists purely to spite the Lord. At the 2017 Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, James Alex Fields Jr. drove a car into a crowd of Satan-worshippers. The car, an American made Dodge Challenger, was as Christian as any vehicle ever manufactured on God’s green earth, having hosted countless prom-night conceptions and led the procession at almost as many shotgun weddings. The sacred firearm used by Kyle Rittenhouse in Kenosha, Wisconsin in August 2020 to defend himself and our great nation from leftist chaos was an AR-15, an assault rifle inextricably tied to the American tradition of freedom for white people of all colors and, according to the Gospel, Jesus’s weapon of choice.
Donald Trump’s alleged 1996 rape of writer E. Jean Carroll in the dressing room of a Bergdorf Goodman was not an assault of any type but rather Our New Savior’s divine, selfless attempt at an immaculate conception by impregnating a childless woman clearly in the latter stages of menopause. Similarly, as a young God-fearing Christian, future Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh did his best to prepare countless impressionable young women for day to day life in a convent. And when you come right down to it, through all his minor, youthful indiscretions all Matt Gaetz really ever wanted was to be a Duggar.
Meanwhile, the shameless lies by the left continue. So-called death threats against American poll workers typically offer to send the recipient to “Kingdom Come,” an unmistakable reference to the Lord’s promise of eternal life. Donald Trump was impeached by far-left radicals for a perfect conversation with Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky. Zelesnky, it turns out, is a Jew. In case you haven’t heard, they killed Christ. Trump’s January 2, 2021 phone call to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger was simply a plea for a trusted servant of the Lord to do his job and was, like any papal decree, infallible.
Radical left hypocrisy and sinfulness reached what was perhaps their apex on January 6, 2021. As with any crusade, the goal was baptism—winning souls for the sake of Providence. The flagpole used to strike a Washington D.C. police officer? Christian. The Thor outfit? Christian and sewn in America. Bear spray? Christian. Billy clubs? Brass knuckles? Mace? Tasers? Christian. Christian. Christian. Christian. But the deep state run media headed by Lucifer Himself wouldn’t shut up about it. Even the defecation in Nancy Pelosi’s office was from someone who had only hours earlier received Communion, effectively sanctifying the desk with the tiny crumbs of Our Lord.
Which brings us back to the horrifically unfair, biased far left media attacks on all-American Black football sensation Herschel Walker. Abraham of the Bible sent his concubine and child into the wilderness. Herschel Walker merely put a gun to his wife’s head to instruct her in the ways of a Higher Power (see above notes on “Kingdom Come”). King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and never gained a single rushing yard in the NFL. Herschel Walker was a Heisman Trophy winner and gained over 8,000 on the ground in 12 professional seasons as a running back. If you do the math, Walker is entitled to 249 additional wives, 136 bonus concubines, 487 freebie out-of-wedlock children, and as many Christian abortions as his checking account will bear. The only thing about Herschel Walker that isn’t Christian is his son, Christian. But there is still time before midterm elections to repent.
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This is what Georgia needs to hear! And Walker is running against a Reverend!
So on target