Who Knew White Republicans Spoke Navajo?

A perplexing survey result appears to indicate that white Republicans are fluent in Navajo and other Native American languages.

by Ben Cohen

A perplexing survey result appears to indicate that white Republicans are fluent in Navajo and other Native American languages. From the Washington Post:

A new survey finds white Republicans are far more likely to be put off by foreign language speakers than their Democratic counterparts.

According to Pew Research Center, 47 percent of such Republicans say it would bother them “some” or “a lot” to “hear people speak a language other than English in a public place.” Eighteen percent of white Democrats said they would be similarly bothered.

Aside from politics, age and education are the major predictors of linguistic discomfort. Eighteen percent of whites younger than 30 said they would be bothered by a foreign language being spoken, compared with 43 percent in the 50-to-64 age group, and 45 percent among those 65 and older.

The survey appears to have a serious error. By hearing people “speak a language other than English” the authors of the poll clearly mean a language other than Navajo, Yupik, Sioux, Apache, and Cherokee amongst others. Because English is of course a foreign language in America, spoken by settlers who came here in the early 1600’s.

Why would these white Republicans be so distressed by hearing languages they don’t speak? Clearly they must be bothered by the “foreigners” grabbing their land, introducing foreign diseases, decimating the environment, using slave labor, and creating colossal military infrastructure to subjugate foreign nations and domestic dissent. Speaking non-native languages then, is a sign of disrespect to the millions of indigenous people who died when Europeans settled in America.

Again, this is an extraordinary revelation given most white Republicans are fed a steady diet of right wing hate speech on propaganda networks like Fox News and white supremacist sites like Breitbart.com. The fact that America has no official language is a testament to their openness and willingness to learn from history. That they have chosen to speak Native American languages rather than their own foreign tongue is a remarkable achievement, particularly given the vast amount of evidence that indicates white Republicans are not particularly bright, racist, and immune to facts.

Given many registered Republicans believe President Obama may not have been born in America and is a secret Muslim, their fondness for indigenous American languages is clearly a sign the party is changing its ways.

Perhaps the party of Trump is not as far gone as was once thought. Aho!

(That’s a Native American way of saying ‘Amen’ for you non-Republicans).

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