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My husband and I visited Russia (Moscow and St. Petersburg) i 1994, where a friend was working in food aid at the time. It was a fascinating time to be in Russia - it was right after the breakup of the Soviet Union and there was a hopefulness and budding youth movement that was very heartening. But there was an underlying unease about being there.

We were advised not to speak English too loudly in public. We were advised not to eat locally produced food (radiation and heavy metal poisoning) nor drink the water (ditto - no environmental regulations at all). We were once hassled by one of the ubiquitous policemen for having luggage stacked too high on a trolley in the metro, and even though all he did was make us redistribute everything, there was just a feeling that you could fuck up without even knowing it and if you did get sucked into the penal system somehow, the consequences could be quite dire. As we've seen.

Also while we were there, the "private sector" was setting up business and control and making sure that all the budding small businesses, the people standing outside a metro station covered with clothes on hangers to sell, the elderly ladies selling Russian crafts, all paid their mordita for protection. A private mailbox in the lobby where our friend was living got blown up during our visit. From a vantage point of thirty years later, we all know what happened between now and then. I would imagine the general atmosphere is even more paranoia-inducing than it was when we were there, during that short but hopeful window. This is what it's like to live under an autocracy; never being able to fully relax in public.

OTOH, I am now starting to feel uncomfortable in public in this country, thanks to gun violence. Personally, I believe they're connected. It's not a coincidence that tons of Russian money has poured into the NRA. Of course, private citizens can't own guns in Russia. This is something that current Russophiles don't like to acknowledge and probably one reason - in addition to the fact that they probably know, even if subliminally, that living in an autocracy is not nearly as cushy as living in the good ol' USA - they don't move to Russia: they'd have to give up their guns.

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Apr 17, 2023·edited Apr 17, 2023

I find two things astonishing. First, that the anti-Communist party for how many years?, destroyed how many lives? now actively supports a communist Russia. Republican hypocrisy knows no bounds. Second, how history repeats itself. Most every American who was seduced by Communism in the 30s repudiated it when they discovered just how bad Stalin was and how awful the Russian manifestation of Communism was, too. Yet, here we are. Russian good 90 odd years later.

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