Keep Going, Republicans, You’re Doing Great!

Enjoy this. You’ve earned the schadenfreude.

Jim Jordan fails again. Image: AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

by Bob Cesca

WASHINGTON, DC – Jim Jordan is a gift. A monochromatic, screechy, insurrectionist gift who illustrates the expression: the smallest dog barks loudest. To be clear, referring to him as a gift is by no means a compliment. Jordan is a vile, unpatriotic, anti-democratic, subterranean troll, but his run for House speaker is so immensely entertaining in a politically awkward kind of way, I can’t help but to feel a sense of joy and gratitude. Sue me.

In fact, during his second failed vote on Wednesday, Jordan only received 199 votes, which was the first time in a century that a nominee from the majority party received fewer than 200. Again, thanks, Jim. Thanks, Republicans. You’re doing great. Not only is this process illustrating Republicans in thermonuclear disarray, but it’s just as embarrassing for Jordan as it was for Kevin McCarthy the last time they tried. Two upsides in one. Republicans are a shitshow and Jim Jordan looks impotent. Perfection.

So, what are the caucus’s options?

First, a caveat: I’m writing this Wednesday evening and it’s possible that by the time this is published in The Banter, Jordan will have squeaked out the speakership. But from where I’m sitting tonight, I doubt it. Short of that…

1. Naturally, the Republicans could yank Jordan and nominate someone else, but it’s unlikely that an alternative nominee, like Don Bacon, will get the weirdo-insurrectionist vote – Matt Gaetz and his fellow disruptors – who are okay with Jordan but not okay with someone less batshit.

2. They could stick with Jordan, which for now appears likely, and in the process lose on several more ballots unless someone activates the trap door under Jordan’s seat in the House chamber. This would be a fun option, not only because Jordan will be a confirmed loser, but also because they’d have to start all over again.

As a side note: the longer this goes, the closer we get to the 2024 election. Even a couple more weeks closer to early voting getting underway, is that much more likely voters will remember all this. I worry that we’re too early in the cycle for the painfully short term memories of most voters.

3. The often discussed option of a power-sharing deal with Democratic leadership, including Hakeem Jeffries as speaker, is another possibility. This is the sane, rational, reasonable, winnable thing to do which is why the Republicans won’t do it. However, there only needs to be four Republicans to pair with the Democrats to elect Jeffries. But for a real power-sharing deal, House majority leader Steve Scalise and the House Republican Conference chair Elise Stefanik would ostensibly have to endorse it, and I don’t think they will, especially since Stefanik has been vocal in her support for Jordan.

The handful of moderate swing-Republicans face a harrowing conundrum. They have to decide which is worse: ongoing Republican disarray, Jordan as speaker, or Jeffries at the top of a power-sharing arrangement. 

If I were a Republican, I’d probably go with Jordan. Just to end the disarray. For now. 

Stepping back into my own body, the great thing about that option is Jordan, as speaker, would all but guarantee the Republicans will lose the House next year. He’s too ungainly and too extreme. He’s the last half-eaten, germy, hauntingly fingered doughnut in the breakroom, routinely emphasizing just how desperate the party is – that the very best guy they could elevate from their anemic bench is a gray-skinned, out-of-his-depth insurrectionist who’s linked to multiple sex crimes. (And by the way, if the Democrats win back the House, it’ll be well timed given how the 2024 Senate map favors the Republicans.)

All told, if it ends up being Jordan it’s much better news than you might think. Yes, Jordan is a MAGA berserker who shouldn’t be anywhere near a government building, but he won’t have enough votes to do any real damage, while the firewalls of a Democratic-controlled Senate and a Joe Biden veto remain in place. Of course, anything can happen and don’t get happy. 

That said, enjoy this. You’ve earned the schadenfreude. 

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