Put Contraception on the Ballot
Banning family planning may be the all-time loser for fascist schmucks
by Rich Herschlag
We know why Republican leadership fights universal background checks—the NRA. We know why Republican leadership promotes tax cuts for the rich—its wealthy donor base. We know why it denies climate change—oil companies. But what on earth has the GOP got against contraception, and who gives a literal fuck?
More specifically, who is the constituency for such ludicrous Project 2025 proposals as banning or restricting Plan B and IUDs today—and condoms, diaphragms, spermicides, and standard birth control pills tomorrow—when the vast majority of tautologically brainwashed rightwing voters would concede life does not begin before conception? And no matter what evangelical leaders may pontificate in their cabals, sermons against contraception don’t go over very well with the laity Sunday mornings after Saturday nights filled with sexual escapades assisted by the accoutrements of basic family planning. While there are of course exceptions (see Elon Musk), the vast majority of rank and file Republicans come from and/or start families with one to four children, and those reproductive numbers are not the product of rhythm (see JD Vance).
We will skip the history of the Reformation. And we will skip the history of primitive contraception, including 4th century B.C. Greek women using ointments made with olive and cedar oil. Neither backstory is either well known or of much import to MAGA males on the prowl at Hooters. Instead, we will get right to the well hung elephant in the room.
The MAGA male can’t deal with his wife’s prior sex life. It’s just too much to bear. There, I said it. In fact, countless adult males of whatever political party or no party at all can’t deal with it, and to prove it just check out the countless related threads on Reddit, which typically leans left. But whereas for the Reddit crowd there is a general acknowledgement that retroactive jealousy is a bad thing and should somehow—through a combination of time, conversation, introspection, and therapy—be overcome, for the MAGA folks and their red pill bros, such toxic emotions are not only legitimate but are a clarion call to fundamental legal changes.
For any male who sees himself as “enlightened,” it’s a strange and sometimes rude awakening when, whether over time or on occasion in a tidal wave of personal disclosures, you learn of your fiancée or wife’s previous erotic experiences. At the very outset of a relationship it is rarely a problem because generally the male is elated to be part of any club, let alone this one very special club. But with time comes possessiveness, and with that same time comes knowledge. There are old letters, diaries, phones, rumors, mutual acquaintances, and often plain old word bombs. With all but the most Zen-like heterosexual males these experiences culminate in some degree of insecurity, and how that insecurity is managed is often the Rosetta Stone for the remainder of the relationship.
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Throughout most of history the patriarchy had the situation somewhat under its thumb via a combination of Old World customs, economic control, and more or less enforceable social dictates. While these factors eroded slowly over the centuries, that all changed in 1960 with FDA approval of the first birth control pill, Enovid-10, which by stopping ovulation introduced a form of contraception that was affordable, highly effective, and entirely at the discretion of women.
At that moment, if the decoupling of sexual intercourse and procreation was not complete, its trajectory was altered at light speed. It is no coincidence that the modern conservative movement, complete with the rise of the John Birch Society and the National Review, gained so much traction in the early 1960s.
In the decades following, political, social, and economic advances by American women were nearly too comprehensive and profound to reverse in any meaningful way. But that did not stop the far right from giving it everything they and their PACs had from their seedy couches and musty man caves. Dobbs v. Jackson—the result of tireless methodical vetting of hundreds of judicial candidates with reproductive rights suppression as often the sole criterion—whet the sexually repressed right’s appetite for destruction of women’s biological autonomy. Maybe, just maybe, that pernicious syndrome called retroactive jealousy could be eliminated altogether by eliminating the past itself.
And now here comes the MAGA/red pill/evangelical/Heritage Foundation crew telling us the free market of ideas, relationships, spiritualism, counseling, and good ol’ pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps self-reliance they promote so adamantly when waging war against vaccination mandates is woefully insufficient to subdue the four-headed dragon of their own wounded ego. Instead, the federal government—the very same one that should look the other way when infants and small children face starvation—must come to the rescue. Because only an outright ban on contraception will keep women from enjoying a fulfilling heterosexual life without fear of pregnancy, and only the same draconian ban will keep a woman’s male ego-threatening body count down to zero before some fine evening she spots you doing the polka in a church basement and realizes you are THE ONE.
The cretins who believe life begins at flirtation and who lack the manly power to live happily in the present with their womanly counterpart will never really be satiated by the women they desire to posses and control. And just as these men will seek endless additional personal validation from wives and girlfriends without ever reaching the emotional goal line, they will continue ad infinitum to seek unworkable political solutions until the American version of strict sharia law is attained and probably then some. It’s weird. It’s creepy. It’s a clearly identifiable pathology running from the ground up through their titular head, the transparently misogynist Donald J. Trump.
We can decry it. We can mock it. We can call them out on it. But those efforts will not successfully complete the necessary political act. It’s too late for this election cycle, and the pushback against Dobbs v. Jackson is in any case already poised to swing a few swing states blue this time around. But there is another election the next year, and the next year, and the next, and banning family planning may be the all-time loser for fascist schmucks. So starting in 2025, the year we lovers of basic freedoms begin our own new project, let’s put contraception on the ballot.
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That Elon Musk has 12 children is just obscene. Same for that douchebag Nick Cannon (12), and I’m not excusing you, Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart (eight each). This is right out of the opening of “Idiocracy”. 🤔😉😊
This is perhaps the most important Banter article to date, and I hope its public so more people can see it. You've provided a great narrative of their true intentions and motives, which also radiates today into the incel movement. That's the dream Christian to mingle with -- looks like a Playboy Playmate, is a virgin, yet comes into the marriage with adult film star lovemaking skills. Men, by nature, tend to peak sexually between 18-22 after roaring out of the gates in their tweens when their non monkey spanking options are limited. Women keep blossoming in their sexuality in their 30's, 40's and well, well, beyond. Hence, why we see so many teen boys living out "Hot for Teacher" fantasies at school with women likely tired of dealing with damaged and abusive men of their own age. But then there's still the elephant in the room -- Islam. Look at the whole reason they shroud their women head to toe in hijab, burqas, and other drapery --often in oppressive heat -- simply to not TEMPT other men. Why they remove women's genitals to prevent them from experiencing pleasure, and perform "honor killings" should she have pre-marital sex. Why the LGBTQ community is stoned and murdered, because how dare they enjoy pleasure without procreation?!? The left is SO afraid of being called Islamophobic that they never call out Muslim cultures on the systemic violations of human rights they openly practice. Those in Gaza who were not straight men didn't have it easy before 10/7. And we wonder why there are so many children in the region (proportionally to the population), tragically falling victim to bombings and famine on top of their systemic suffering before the war.