by Justin Rosario Most parents get to send their kids off to college/trade school/the military/work/etc. when they’re 18 or so. That doesn’t mean their job as parents is done but it does mean that, if they’ve done it correctly, the bulk of their work is behind them. They can look forward to a well-earned retirement from full-time parenting and the unique stresses involved. They can, hopefully, see their children chart their own path with only the occasional helping hand from the parental units.
My partner works with special needs children, mostly autistic. She’s very interested in your story so I’ll share it.
My partner’s mother looks after her own special needs sister, a task she now has full time since their mother died. She has struggled with the loss of many of her otherwise freedoms, though there are many services in place here for her to get some breaks.
Support is undeniably the critical word here, and I hope you and your wife get supported.
“I always thought about how sad it was to be an adult with the mind of a child, crying out for a parent who was probably no longer there”
That’s the nightmare. A child in all respects being poorly cared for or (double nightmare) mistreated, wondering where the parents who always promised to take care of him are.
Justin, my child, like every special needs child, is a different story than yours. I have read that almost all - over 90% of fathers of special needs children abandon their families. Thanks for being one who did not.
Thank you. I am pleased to inform you that is not actually true, though. Although familes with special needs children do have a higher divorce rate (about 34% compared to 24%), it's not that catastrophically bad.
There is, however, an unfortunate dynamic where the husband goes to work and is disengaged when they're at home. Not the same thing, of course, but not great, either. Debbie is very much engaged, fortunately.
If speical needs families had more support from cities and states and the federal government, we would all be much better off, especially the children.
I can't and won't insult you by pretending to understand your pain and frustration (with the unfairness of the situation). Just please accept my best wishes and hopes for the future.
I currently work with special needs pre-school students as part of my job as a music teacher, and I must say it is a blessing to connect with these beautiful children and help them to grow. The work is mentally, physically and emotionally draining, and I only have a few hours of contact. Your frustration and sacrifices are beyond what most parents might experience unless they have had a situation where they were asked to care for a child with autism. All of your concerns are valid, but remember that you have provided the best environment for your son. You have armed yourself with knowledge and set up a family network of care that is providing the best possible life for him as he progresses. As time moves on, you will adapt, and you will utilize the resources available to your family. If Jordan has a social worker, they will work with you to find the best solutions for him. It sounds like your daughter is committed to fighting for the best care possible for her brother. I know the days are long and the worry is sometimes insurmountable, but you have the strength and foresight to see this through for him.
"Even if we, as a nation, suddenly poured immense resources into caring for our most vulnerable (which we goddamn won’t), that would only alleviate a small fraction of the anxiety." Yes! Judge a nation by how well it treats its most vulnerable. America's exceptionalism is on how it disregards it's most vulnerable in cruel capitalism applied to the needy and generous socialism provided to corporations.
My partner works with special needs children, mostly autistic. She’s very interested in your story so I’ll share it.
My partner’s mother looks after her own special needs sister, a task she now has full time since their mother died. She has struggled with the loss of many of her otherwise freedoms, though there are many services in place here for her to get some breaks.
Support is undeniably the critical word here, and I hope you and your wife get supported.
Thank you for sharing this with us. You have such a hard road ahead and I wish I could help somehow. Good luck to -all- of you.
“I always thought about how sad it was to be an adult with the mind of a child, crying out for a parent who was probably no longer there”
That’s the nightmare. A child in all respects being poorly cared for or (double nightmare) mistreated, wondering where the parents who always promised to take care of him are.
Justin, my child, like every special needs child, is a different story than yours. I have read that almost all - over 90% of fathers of special needs children abandon their families. Thanks for being one who did not.
Thank you. I am pleased to inform you that is not actually true, though. Although familes with special needs children do have a higher divorce rate (about 34% compared to 24%), it's not that catastrophically bad.
There is, however, an unfortunate dynamic where the husband goes to work and is disengaged when they're at home. Not the same thing, of course, but not great, either. Debbie is very much engaged, fortunately.
If speical needs families had more support from cities and states and the federal government, we would all be much better off, especially the children.
Sorry, it's 24% to 14%.
https://archive.jsonline.com/news/health/100266159.html
I can't and won't insult you by pretending to understand your pain and frustration (with the unfairness of the situation). Just please accept my best wishes and hopes for the future.
I currently work with special needs pre-school students as part of my job as a music teacher, and I must say it is a blessing to connect with these beautiful children and help them to grow. The work is mentally, physically and emotionally draining, and I only have a few hours of contact. Your frustration and sacrifices are beyond what most parents might experience unless they have had a situation where they were asked to care for a child with autism. All of your concerns are valid, but remember that you have provided the best environment for your son. You have armed yourself with knowledge and set up a family network of care that is providing the best possible life for him as he progresses. As time moves on, you will adapt, and you will utilize the resources available to your family. If Jordan has a social worker, they will work with you to find the best solutions for him. It sounds like your daughter is committed to fighting for the best care possible for her brother. I know the days are long and the worry is sometimes insurmountable, but you have the strength and foresight to see this through for him.
"Even if we, as a nation, suddenly poured immense resources into caring for our most vulnerable (which we goddamn won’t), that would only alleviate a small fraction of the anxiety." Yes! Judge a nation by how well it treats its most vulnerable. America's exceptionalism is on how it disregards it's most vulnerable in cruel capitalism applied to the needy and generous socialism provided to corporations.